by Bert Emmett

Whether national, state, local or in the bedroom, the art of politics is lip-smacking fun. Here, in a (fairly) candid interview, the superstar of gubernatorial gooberness reminisces, quips, ponders and pontificates. From the early days when his schnitzel was still in a diaper to his present day renown as a mountain of meat running the kookiest state in the union, Alfie speaks:

'A lot of people accuse my father of being a figure in the Nazi party. He was actually just a headwaiter at some Nazi parties. So, lighten up, people. He was just taking orders.'

'Look, I was infusing the world of modeling with a masculinity it had not seen before or since. If you could see me up there in a zebra skinned speedo after a fresh bikini wax, you would agree.'

'I am in favor of civil unions for gay couples. And I'll go even farther than that; I welcome civil unions for gay triples! Quadruples! Now, that's a party!'

Plus: An over-caffeinated observer's take on the national scene as told through a variety of cartoons, commentaries, games and more!